Wish
by Foxgurl
Summary: Ritsuka recollects on things that have long since passed... things he rather not remember. Pain, it would seem, it just another reason for living. But do Zeros feel the pain of living as well? RitsukaXSoubi NatsuoXYouji


A/N: So hey, what's up, how ya doing tonight folks? Did everyone have a good night of trick or treating? And how about those pumpkins? Yeah whatever, cut to the chase I know. This here was written for the sake of writing. I was watching the last episode of Loveless and yatta yatta yatta, this pops up. I got inspired because I was drowsy... and all of a sudden, it hit me. WHERE THE _FRICK_ DID YOUJI AND NATSUO GO?!?! It was like they magically disappeared. Poof. Gone. So this, my friends, is the conclusion I came to when I was wondering: What if Soubi ran away so that if the off chance Seimei DID tell him to kill Ritsuka, he wouldn't be able to do it? And this little number danced across my mind. So yah, enjoy. If you don't SOOOORYYYY, but I could care less. I pulled this out my butt.

Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless and it's pretty obvious I don't so I shouldn't have to put a friggen disclaimer.

**---Wish---**

"_This is your wish... if you die here; the real Ritsuka will awaken..."_

_A soft reply came. However gentle it may have seem, the words still stung. This was his wish... but now..._

_Now he found reason to live._

"_No... I can't die... I've just begun to like everyone..."_

_The word he once held in deep disregard now found new meaning in his heart. He had people he cared about... if he died here... all those feelings would be left in vain._

"_You cannot fight your fate..."_

_A statement. As if there was no other choice._

"_No, you're wrong..."_

_Such power began to flow through his veins. He was Ritsuka. The current Ritsuka. He would not abide to the will of destiny. He was in control of himself, he chose his fate. He alone._

"_You're wrong..."_

_A forceful blow. Words, he found, were a very powerful thing. He watched as the one he cared most for begin to dissipate right before his eyes, yet he did not watch on with sadness... only determination. A soft smile. And the determination began to crumble, replaced with slight adoration and emptiness. _

"_Soubi..."_

---

Ritsuka sat at his desk, tapping his pen in irritation against the monitor of his computer screen. He sighed and gently rose from his seat, rubbing his weary eyes. Why was he haunted by this dream? Over and over, as if a movie being replayed again and again in his mind, the dream seemed to linger. Whether he was awake or asleep, it still seemed to find and catch him off guard. Ears twitching ever so slightly, Ritsuka turned and padded softly across his small and somewhat bare room to overlook his balcony. Twisting the lock and pushing the heavy glass to the side, the dark haired child stepped out and was immediately greeted by a warm breeze, fluttering through his hair and drifting downward to warm his bare feet. The sun was setting.

'It's... pretty...' he though absent mindedly, leaning against the guard rail to admire all the colors of tinted golds and oranges, even a hint of red.

The sun felt warm and whereas it had been hot and irritable during the day, now provided a more soothing affect to the rather pensive boy. After all, he had felt so cold.

What if he _had_ died in his dream? The real Ritsuka would have awoke from his 2 year slumber... then perhaps mother would have not have been sent away for child abuse. Maybe if the real Ritsuka were to awake, he would not have to grit his teeth and watch Yuiko and Yayoi laugh and talk to others without him. Maybe if the real Ritsuka were to awake, he would forget about Shinonome-sensei moving away to teach at a more prestige school.

Maybe... just maybe... if the real Ritsuka were to wake up... he would not have to constantly be thinking about...

Him.

Ritsuka lowered his head on the guardrail and clenched his teeth tight, grabbing his hair and giving it a slight yank to help him focus on the pain. If he didn't, he would probably feel the familiar burning sensation tingling behind his eyes. And then... he would have to explain to his foster parents why he had been crying.

Again.

Ritsuka took a deep breath and glanced at the now lowering sun. He watched it slip silent behind the horizon, as if frightened and cowering behind the other side of the earth. The boy couldn't help but wonder if the sun was simply afraid of the moon. There was nothing to fear, the moon was just apart of existence, just as the sun was. Or was it, the sun just didn't like the dark...?

'Soubi didn't like to be in the dark... at least... he didn't like to be in the dark without me...' Ritsuka pondered, recalling how they used to walk, hand in hand, at evening time...

Just like they did the day Ritsuka told the older man his dream. He was afraid. Afraid that Soubi, if commanded to, would kill him. Although the answer he got was neither warped nor manipulated to his liking, Soubi had held him close and calmed his tears. He has stroked his face and pulled him close to his chest in a safe comforting embrace... now that simple feeling of security was wiped clean of his memory.

_A life without Ritsuka... is no life at all..._

Ritsuka immediately felt his cheeks flare and his eyes water. Soubi had said this to him... and he had believed him. He believed that Soubi would never leave him and that, perhaps, even...

Loved him.

_You are Loveless... one without love. You can never be loved; it is your name sake. It is your fate..._

'No!! NO!! Stop HAUNTING me!!! I need to stop remembering!! I wish I HAD died and allowed the real Ritsuka to awaken!!'

Maybe then, he would have forgotten about those kind, somewhat saddened eyes that looked at him and saw through him! Maybe then he could forget the touches and caresses that promised a life of devotion and love! Maybe then, he would not have to remember Soubi...

"It must be agonizing..."

"Maybe..."

"What do you mean, 'maybe'? Can you not see he's in pain?"

"..."

Youji leaned back onto his palms and stared down at the slowly crumbling boy just below them. They were free, to be sure, but they still felt drawn to the person they once called Loveless. Which is the very reason the two zeros sat, idly watching, from the roof of a home they've never visited before. Natsuo had his eyes downcast and the green haired boy couldn't help but wonder if his fiery redheaded companion felt sympathy for this child. He gently reached out and shook the boy's shoulder, earning a startled glance, clouding over immediately with uncharacteristic sadness.

"Oh come on, Natsuo, you know that's not fair. Soubi-kun did what he did to protect the kid, you should not pity him," the zero stated, also trying to calm the aggravating unease that muddle his thoughts and actions.

Natsuo shrugged away Youji's hand and pulled his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees to gaze with tender eyes at the sun, which he had once loathed.

"...isn't it odd how we were created to not feel pain?" the redhead murmured, shifting slightly in discomfort, "... it's odd, because... I feel pain. For Ritsuka-kun, I feel pain. Pity, you say? No, what I feel for him is not pity."

Youji looked in confusion at his partner and tried to laugh it off, but his laughter came out more as a humorless noise that was created for the sole purpose of trying to lift the heavy atmosphere.

"You don't pity him, huh? Well there's no use crying over spilt milk," he replied, trying to sound as if the whole matter were irritable and simply pointless.

He leaned back so that his hands were behind his head, protecting him from the mildew and rust of the shingles on the rooftop. He was surprised when Natsuo suddenly leaned over him, settling down on his chest and giving him a look of such desperation.

"Youji, if I had been Ritsuka-kun and you had been Soubi, I would not have been able to survive. If you had disappeared..."

Youji quickly grabbed Natsuo's shoulders, giving them a hard shake as if trying to talk the redhead out of it. The boy blinked then seemed to catch on and quieted. In reality, the green haired boy had been afraid of what his comrade was about to say. Words were a powerful thing after all...

"It's not as if Soubi-kun died! You can't be sure! You saw it clearly just as I did, he just faded into nothing. We both saw it. Just because he disappeared doesn't mean he's dead!!!"

"I know... it's just... Youji... if we were ever to be separated..."

Youji blinked when he felt something wet hit his face... then again and again. He looked up into Natsuo's glazed eyes and found that tears were falling from those, once sharp and mischievous orbs. He stared in awe and even Natsuo had to reach up and wipe away the liquid, staring at his own hand in confusion.

"W-What... what's this...?" he questioned, the general curiosity dimming the once overwhelming emotion taking over Natsuo's being.

Youji gingerly sat up, careful not to disrupt Natsuo's resting place in his lap, and gently took the other boy's face in his hands.

"I think... you're crying," he said in a hushed voice.

Zeros expressing emotion was almost unheard of. They could not feel pain; didn't that mean they also could not feel? It was a common misconception. Just because they could not feel physical pain, did not mean they could not feel emotional pain, as they were now discovering... no wonder the Professor had made other prototypes... they had glitches... malfunctions... they were not perfect. It was if... they were almost...

...human.

Youji lean forward and wrapped Natsuo in a hug. It took a minute but the redheaded boy gently leaned back and rested his head on Youji's shoulder, not exactly understanding what he was feeling at the moment. The other boy tenderly ran his hands through Natsuo's wavy locks and glanced down at Ritsuka who was now slumped against the bars of his confinement, holding onto himself in an almost desperate grip. It was true. If Natsuo had been taken so abruptly away from him, Youji didn't know what he would do. The boy in his arms meant everything... meant the world and more to him. He was his sacrifice, but did that mean they could be nothing... feel nothing more for each other? Youji felt his eyes soften as Ritsuka closed his eyes and allowed silent tears to stream down his high cheekbones...

And then he realized, he, like Natsuo, felt pain for this boy.

He ached at the thought of Ritsuka not ever being able to hold Soubi in his arms as he did Natsuo right now...

Glancing up at the now star dotted sky, Youji leaned back and allowed Natsuo to rest against his chest, dozing slightly to the rising and falling of his breathing.

Hopefully, Soubi would return soon... even if it's just so that Ritsuka can get pissed off at him and chase him around a bit. Because, as Youji was realizing, being with the person you cared most about, whether you were arguing or hugging, fighting or laughing, was much better than not being with the person at all.

Slowly taking Natsuo in his arms, Youji stood and gave one final glance down at the boy on the balcony, curtains fluttering softly over his now sleeping form.

"I know you won't leave him like that, Soubi, you're too much of a softy to do that," he quietly muttered to no one, leaping down to stand beside Ritsuka who did not even flinch or move in the slightest.

Ritsuka whimpered slightly and clutched something firmly in his hands.

Curiosity getting the best of him, Youji leaned over, careful not to disturb Natsuo, and pried the object away from the dark haired boy's clasp.

A cell phone. Open and trying vainly to call a number labeled 'Soubi'. Eyes downcast, Youji closed the phone, canceling the call, and gently placed it back in Ritsuka's hand. He turned to leave but instead, was greeted with a shocking sight.

Flying in every shape, color, and size, butterflies flapped gracefully through the moonlight, casting an aura of shimmering light around their bodies and the area around them. Twisting and turning in the now still air, they seemed to dance like fairies through the dreamless night.

Youji smirked and hopped up onto the guardrail and down into the front yard, shifting so that Natsuo was on his back and could rest more easily.

"Watch over him carefully, Soubi, you never know who might come and seize him," he laughed, darting quickly into a back ally and disappearing into the darkness.

Then, as if rebelling against the breathtaking dance of color and light, a lone butterfly with the simplest of wings, only a dark blue and faint purple, floated around Ritsuka's head. Landing precariously on the tip of the boy's ear, the butterfly slowly flapped its wings...

--Fin


End file.
